New York Minknit’s grandmother wants a hat


My grandparents in the early 1970s, in front of their house.

A few months ago, when my grandmother and I were celebrating our birthdays together–we share both the same zodiac sign in both the Western and Eastern astrology lore (thus leading to distrubingly similar personalities, known to our loved ones as a special ability to complain and nag)–I was threatening to knit her a hat.

At the time, my grandmother was all “No! Why would I want a hat? I know how to knit [At this point, my grandmother went on a long speech about her knitting prowess and her ability to knit multi-colored flowers around yokes or something. Apparently age does not dimish one’s pride in having managed to vanquish fair isle.] and I have a million hats!” So, I said, fine, and proceeded to cross her off my list of potential knitting victims.

Then, this week, I was having dinner with the grandmother, and she said that she bought me a skein of yarn so I could knit her a hat, one “with ear flaps! Like the one you made your sister!” (She means this scarf-helmet, without the scarf.)

I said, “Grandmother, what about your own knitting ability?* What about your claim that you have millions of hats?”

She said, “But I want to try a hat that you made! And test out your skills! And see if it’s wearable!”

(*My grandmother’s hobby of choice is actually gardening, not knitting. A couple of years ago, she grew this huge squash that she was really into. You would go over to her house, and she would say, “Come into my garage! Look at my giant squash!” )

So I said okay. The funny thing is that back when I was thinking about knitting her something for her birthday, I was thinking to myself, “Hmm…what does my grandmother like?” And the conclusion I came to was that my grandmother likes things that are (a) brown (the color of everything in her wardrobe) (b) furry and (c) plastic (the woman laminated her carpet). Here is the yarn my grandmother bought for her hat:

Yarn for G'ma's Hat

If you refer to the photo at the top of this post, you will see that my grandmother is wearing a hat that is brown, furry, and made of some kind of synthetic material. She has a love of dead-teddy-bear garments that will never end.

Posted in Uncategorized at April 22nd, 2007. Trackback URI: trackback

5 Responses to “New York Minknit’s grandmother wants a hat”

  1. April 23rd, 2007 at 1:14 pm #Marti

    Hysterical. My grandmother also had a passion for the unnatural fibers (the woman was seriously Not Safe around an open flame). Her hobby was sewing – mostly horribly scratchy 100 percent polyester quilts. I think a love of all things synthetic must be in the grandma rule book somewhere.

  2. April 23rd, 2007 at 1:25 pm #Adam

    I think on our first non-date “date,” you told me crazy grandmother stories. I thought it was cute!

  3. April 23rd, 2007 at 5:28 pm #Rachel

    Your grandmother sounds like an absolute character. I love the way you describe her. Good luck knitting her a hat that lives up to her very high standards!

  4. April 29th, 2007 at 2:43 pm #Claire

    Marti: I know! I think all grandmothers love the synthetics.

    Rachel: I have temporarily stashed away the yarn, to mull on its future…

  5. December 9th, 2007 at 8:03 pm #New York Minknit » Fake-a-granny

    […] Net Granny. The site offers 15 Swiss grandmothers who will knit you a pair of socks for $45. I have my own granny, who is, any moment now, going to call and threaten me about her hat that I have yet to knit for […]